Pride's Hostage
by FullmetalFan870
Summary: Lieutenant Hawkeye has had enough of the homunculus Pride always watching her from the shadows. Here are various ways she could get him away from her.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fanfiction, so I'm kind of nervous. Anyway, since I love Pride so much I decided to write something with him in it. I hope you enjoy it, if not I am so sorry.

I don't own FMA

* * *

><p><em>Pride's Hostage<em>

**Here are various ways Lieutenant Hawkeye could get Pride away from her:**

**Way 1: ****Disguise**

Lieutenant Hawkeye quickly put on a curly grey wig, a pair of those glasses that only have the bottom half with a chain on them and old people's clothing. She stood there slightly hunched over a cane.

A second later Pride turned around and saw that Hawkeye was missing! _What! _Pride thought _I looked away for five seconds! Where could she have gone!_ Pride noticed an elderly women standing, oddly enough, where Hawkeye was a moment ago. _When did she get here? ... Maybe she saw where Hawkeye went. _

Pride's shadows surrounded the women. "Hello", he said menacingly, "tell me if you saw a blond girl leave here a moment ago."

"A blond girl?" Hawkeye asked disguising her voice. "Let me think... Oh! I saw a young blondie in a military uniform scurry off a moment ago. I believe she said something about going to Xing."

"What! Xing!" And Pride's shadows zoomed off in the direction of Xing. "I'm coming my love!"

Hawkeye blinked, not sure how to react to that.

**Way 2: ****Pride Repellent**

Lieutenant Hawkeye didn't see Pride anywhere. She figured he must have been too busy with something to be able to keep an eye on her. Hawkeye decided to take advantage of this fine opportunity. She hired a small group of scientist and gave them her entire life savings as research money in order to develop the next big thing in Pride Repellent technology.

It took over a month, but the scientist finally had a finished product and sent it to their employer.

Not too long later, Pride was apparently finished with what ever it was he had been so busy with, and sent his shadows to go pay his hostage a visit.

"Hello again, Lieutenant", Pride said in his metallic voice.

"Hello Pride", Hawkeye triumphantly held out the spray can, "or should I say good-bye?"

Pride wasn't impressed. "Pride Repellent. Seriously?" He mocked.

Lieutenant Hawkeye then proceeded to spray almost half the can all over herself.

Soon enough, the strong scent of the repellent reached the shadows. The shadow's eye's widened. "Agh! No! Not cheap Sun Screen!" The shadows retreated.

Yes, it worked, but was it really worth it?

**Way 3: ****Tell on him**

Hawkeye called Mrs. Bradley.

Pride had to sit in the corner for a very long time.

* * *

><p>Like I said this is my first fanfiction and I don't know if I'm any good at it. Please help a girl out. Review and tell me what you honestly thought.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Since I was so happy with the positive feedback for chapter 1 I got, here It is, chapter 2, ways 4-6 :) This one is a bit longer and I hope you enjoy it!

**This chapter is brought to you by the letters FMA, which I do no own.**

* * *

><p><em>Pride's Hostage<em>

**Here are various ways Hawkeye could get Pride away from her:**

**Way 4: Assault:**

Lieutenant Hawkeye had just stepped outside from where she lived and walked to her car. She was just unlocking her vehicle when shadows suddenly surrounded her. Hawkeye pulled out her gun.

"Oh, please," Pride wasn't afraid, "as if that would do you any good."

Hawkeye then began to fire shot after shot at the shadow's eyes, blinding them.. Suddenly, much to her surprise, the shadows hastily retreated. The Lieutenant hopped into her car and drove after them.

Pride poked his head from behind the tree he was standing behind and saw his blinded shadows racing towards his direction. Pride stepped out from behind the tree.

"Hey!" He yelled at them, "who told you to retreat!"

The shadows zoomed right past him, paying no attention to their… caster.

Pride watched them flee down the street showing no signs of stopping. He wasn't sure what to think when he suddenly remembered that his shadows could only exist in the area around his container.

_Well then,_ He thought, _I guess they'll have to sto- "_Ahhhhh!"

His container was suddenly being pulled by his frightened blind shadows.

Hawkeye continued to drive after them. She opened her glove compartment and took out one of the many guns, but she needed to get closer.

Pride continued to be dragged down the street by his own shadows.

"What are you doing!" He shouted.

"Stop!" He demanded.

He was about to scream at them some more when he noticed some strange black stuff flying from the shadow's red eyes.

"Are you… are you crying!"

The shadows were, indeed, crying long, cylinder shaped tears that were inexplicably hollow inside.

And that children, is where black licorice comes from.

Hawkeye drove as fast as her car could go. She was gaining on them. She had just passed up Pride when she saw the shadows approaching a building.

She stuck her head out the window. "Hey!" She called out to them. "You guys better slow down!"

"They're blind!" Pride irritably reminded her, still being dragged helplessly, "You shot them in their eyes, remember!"

The shadows, not slowing down even a little, went straight through the building. And Hawkeye went through the nice little tunnel they made for her.

After a little more driving, Hawkeye was right behind the blinded shadows. She stuck her gun out the window and fired bullet after bullet to the point that it was overkill, because she had had a bad week and needed someone to take it out on.

Hawkeye continued to fire until she ran out of ammo. Felling much better, the Lieutenant turned the car around and went on with her day, nearly running Pride over in the process.

The shadows, and Pride, didn't stop until they reached Father's lair, which was not easy.

Father bandaged the shadow's eyes and gave them a kissie-make-it-better. The shadows then decided to go into hiding, and absolutely refused to come out when Pride told them to.

Two days later, Mrs. Bradley received the bill for all the property damage.

She didn't take to kindly too it.

**Way 5: Black Hayate**

"Dinner time, Hayate!" Hawkeye called out. Hayate ran into the kitchen and Hawkeye set down his food bowl in front of him. Hawkeye went to the pantry and frowned.

"Oh! Sorry Hayate it looks like we're all out of dog food." Hayate whimpered a little. Hawkeye pat him on the head. "Alright, alright, I'll go buy some more."

Hawkeye turned toward the door but instead found herself face to face with a shadowy tentacle.

"Hello", said the shadow.

Hawkeye instinctually grabbed the knife she saw lying on the counter and swung.

A tip of the shadowy tentacle fell onto the floor.

Hawkeye and the rest of the shadowy tentacle looked down at the tip. And they continued to look, when Hayate slowly walked up to it. He nudged it with his nose a little before swallowing it whole. _Hmm, _Hayate thought _Taste like black licorice._

Hawkeye and the rest of the shadowy tentacle looked down at the dog.

Hawkeye broke the silence.

"Hayate!" She scolded. "Don't eat things you find on the-"

Lieutenant Hawkeye thought about it, and couldn't think of anything that would be in a shadow that would make it unsafe for dogs, and he seemed to like it. The shadow was still staring at the dog. Hawkeye looked back down at Hayate with a compassionate smile on her face.

"Hayate", she said and looked up at the tip less shadowy tentacle with a far less compassion smile, "eat up."

Hayate leapt up and took a big chomp out of the shadow.

"What the-" Pride shouted and the shadow retreated back a little.

Still hungry, the dog chased after what was left of the shadow

Pride wasn't going to just take that. He conjured up more shadows and sent them speeding towards Black Hayate. "You ate Arthur!"

But his efforts were futile. Every shadow he sent towards the dog, who was still running towards him, was eaten. He didn't even bother to chew! He just swallowed them!

Soon the dog was too close and Pride had no choice but to retreat, which didn't really help, for Hayate continued to chase after the yummy shadowy tentacles. And he continued to do so for about twelve blocks, when he tired out, and walked back to his master waiting for him at home.

Hawkeye gave the dog a pat on the head. "Good boy, Hayate", she praised, "very good boy."

**Way 6: Invisibility**

Hawkeye bought a can of invisibility paint and poured it over herself.

Pride looked and looked and continued to look but never found her.

The invisible Hawkeye had left for Xing.

* * *

><p>I really hope you enjoyed that:)<p>

Yes! Pride's shadows developed a mind of their own! And are actually black licorice! _Look it was very late, and I couldn't sleep..._

And I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be feeding that stuff to a dog, but don't worry, he got a little tummy ack from eating so much but he'll be fine;)

Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

This is so short! I'm sorry! I'm all out of good ideas ( sob sob)

I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist

* * *

><p><em>Pride's Hostage<em>

**Here's a way Lieutenant Hawkeye could get Pride away from her:**

**Way 7: Father**

Pride walked into Father's throne room. Father noticed him come in, "Pride! You're here! Guess what! I got married!

"Married!"

"Come meet your new mommy!"

"Hello Pride."

"Hawkeye!"

A week later Pride packed his bags and was off to boarding school.

* * *

><p>Yes, that's all, it's over already (sobs some more)<p>

Alright, time to stop being sad. You see, I rather not end this just yet, but since I can't think of any more ways, I'm officialy open to suggestions! If you can think of a way Hawkeye could escape Pride please tell me. Just type it in the review thingy or, if you want, you can PM me. If I like it, I'll use it. But if I get nothing, I'm just gonna end it here, so please help!

Please review:)


	4. Chapter 4

(Sniff, sniff) Sorry this is so late I got lazy. But, to make it up to you, this one is much longer than chapter 3! I also used a couple of wonderful suggestions that I recieved :D

**I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood or the manga, I believe that belongs to a glasses wearing cow...**

With that said; I hope you find some joy in this ^^

* * *

><p><em>Pride's Hostage<em>

**Here are various ways Lieutenant Hawkeye could get Pride away from her:**

**Way 8: restraining order (Thank you TheNinjaAlchemist95)**

Lieutenant Hawkeye noticed one of Pride's shadows from the corner of her eye. She spun around and looked it straight in the eye.

"Pride the Arrogant!" She shouted, her voice void of fear, "You're in violation of your restraining order!"

"So," the homunculus didn't seem to care, "what are you going to do about it."

As if to prove this didn't worry him, Pride's shadows made there way toward the Lieutenant.

Suddenly, a police officer came charging into the scene. He went straight for the shadows. He got up close and tazed them unconscious.

The police officer knelt down to the limp shadowy tentacles and handcuffed one to his arm.

Hawkeye thanked the officer as he left in custody of some tentacles and a little boy that was attached to them.

**Way 9: Family**

Pride was walking out of the Bradley's house. He was going to check to see what Lieutenant Hawkeye was up to only to find that she was the one watching him. Hawkeye poked her head from behind her hiding spot.

_What is she doing here_, Pride wondered.

Hawkeye approached the homunculus. "Father thought I should pay you a visit."

_Father?_ Pride questioned this in his head.

"That's right!" Hawkeye assured him.

Pride wasn't sure what was happening here.

"It really is obvious if you think about it."

Pride was positive he was keeping this all in his head.

"You were."

This only confused him more.

Hawkeye smirked; she had kept him in suspense long enough. The Lieutenant pushed back the hair covering part of her forehead.

"An ouroboro tattoo!" Pride screamed, "You're a homunculus!"

"I am Lust!" Hawkeye announced. "The all hearing! So basically, I can read minds."

Pride just stood there in a state of disbelief, "Wha wha wha…"

"Whaaaaaaaaaa…" Lust encouraged him to finish.

"What!"

The female homunculus smiled a satisfied smile, while Pride continued to just stand there. Lust looked at him as he continued to just stand there. And for what seemed like an eternity, all was quiet.

"…I heard that big brother."

Pride walked back into the Bradley's house and never came back out.

**Way 10: Hot Fudge (Thank you HeiwaStar95)**

Lieutenant Hawkeye poked her head from the side of the building trying not to be spotted. She saw the homunculus Pride walking down the street coming in her direction. She was ready.

Pride was walking past the alley.

"Oh Pride", she sang, "I'm over here."

Pride spoke irritably, "Where did you run off to," his voice turned to a mocking tone, "Go running to Mustang for help?"

Hawkeye only smiled, leading Pride to wonder what she was plotting.

Suddenly her face turned serious. She pointed at Pride dramatically. "Pride!" she shouted, "can you withstand the power!" out of nowhere, she pulled out what looked like a giant hose from behind her back, it was so big she couldn't even wrap her arm around it, she had to hold it under her arm and keep it up with the other, "Of the Ultimate Hot Fudge Cannon X Turbo!"

"What?"

"Activate!" Hawkeye's voice roared through the alley as an endless supply of hot fudge began to blast out of the Ultimate Hot Fudge Cannon X Turbo racing straight for Pride.

It was a direct hit. The force was so powerful that Pride flew all the way across the street and crashed through a brick building, at the same time burning his skin.

Covered in hot fudge, the homunculus picked himself up. Hawkeye was preparing for another attack.

Pride surrounded himself with shadows. He shot out his hand in Hawkeye's direction.

"Attack!" He commanded.

They didn't attack. The shadows stared at Pride with wide eyes.

Pride looked over at the shadows, annoyed, "Hey! I thought I told you to-Wha!"

The shadows completely covered Pride and began to lick to their heart's content and they didn't stop until the homunculus was squeaky clean.

When they were finally focused, Pride shouted his command once more, "Attack!"

The shadowy tentacles zoomed toward Hawkeye showing no signs of stopping. It looked like it may be the end for her when they did, in fact, stop only inches away from her face and rushed back to Pride.

"Hey! I thought I told I told you to-Wha!"

The shadows began crying black licorice tears.

Pride was to scream at them some more when he took a good look at their teeth.

The homunculus had no choice. Irritably he dragged the shadows to the dentist to get their cavities filled and Hawkeye struck a victory pose.

* * *

><p>I hoped you liked this.<p>

I noticed something... Pride sure does scream "What!" a lot in this fic...

Thanks again to HeiwaStar95, TheNinjaAlchemist95 and Mushra the enterran (whose idea I while be using in the next chapter:D). You are awesome!

I'm still open to suggestions so help is appreciated :D

Thanks a bunch for reading and please review!


	5. Chapter 5

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! I-AM-SO-SORRY! This is so late! (sob sob) And I've had this done in my notebook for two weeks now, but I didn't get the chance to type it out on the computer...sorry. I hope the fact I tried to make this one a bit longer makes up for my lateness... It'll never happen again...I promise (sniff sniff)

Please enjoy...please:)

* * *

><p><em>Here are various ways Lieutenant Hawkeye could get Pride away from her:<em>

**Way 11: Other People (Thank you SpinnerBeech)**

Hawkeye handed the Fuhrer a small brown book with the words "Selim's Diary" forged on it. The Fuhrer chuckled darkly." Yes. The little brat will no longer be a nuisance to us."

Mrs. Bradley gave Pride a wet kiss on the cheek. She then took him in her arms and gave him a big hug. "Oh, Selim! I'm going to miss you so much! Are you sure you want to go? You can stay home if you like! We could rehire the tutor if you change your mind about public school!"

Pride tried hard to hide the look of disgust that was becoming increasingly difficult to conceal. "I'll be fine mom! Please, if I don't go right now I'll be late!" Pride was just barley able to escape his "mother's" grip in time to escape to the safety of the school bus.

The bus began to drive away. Mrs. Bradley sadly waved good-bye. "If you get home-sick just call and I'll come pick you up!" Pride waved good-bye. When they were a safe enough distance, he let a smirk spread across his face. Finally he could get a break from Wrath's wife. But this happy thought disappeared when he realized he was the only one on the bus. The homunculus turned to the bus driver, "Is this the first stop?"

The bus driver chuckled darkly, "This is the only stop."

"It is?"

"Yes, now just sit back and enjoy the ride", the bus driver chuckled darkly again, "we'll get to your precious school soon enough!" The bus driver then began to laugh hysterically, never turning around, and all Pride could do was stare.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Bradley was raiding Pride's room, because that's what mother's do while their children are at school. She had already found the following things:

A poorly drawn picture of "Selim" strangling Mr. Bradley

A photograph of him with an old guy in a toga, her husband, four unfamiliar adults and… a palm tree?

A book entitled _A _Homunculus'_ Guide to Proper Shadow Care_

Strangely enough, none of this struck Mrs. Bradley as odd as she continued to rummage through Pride's drawers. She came across a small brown book with the words _Selim's Diary_ written on the front. Mrs. Bradley was overjoyed. She excitedly flipped the book open to a random page and began reading…

_6/14/1914_

_Dear Diary,_

_And yet another day goes by as I play alone in my room. As usual, father is busy at work. Who knows when he'll be back? And Mother? Sometimes I wonder if she even knows I exist. Neither of them ever spends any time with me at all. Is it because I'm not there real son? _

_I understand father is busy, but I wish at least me and mother could spend some time together, as a family._

Mrs. Bradley closed the book shut, wiping a tear from her eye.

Meanwhile, Pride looked out the window and saw them drive pass a building known as Central City Elementary.

"Aren't we going to stop?"

"No."

"We're not?"

"No, and do you know why?"

"Um…no."

The bus driver chuckled darkly again, "because, foolish child! This isn't any ordinary bus..." The bus driver jumped out of his seat throwing his uniform in the air and stood triumphtly in the front of the bus, "this is Greed's school bus!... alright and Ling's, too."

Pride started screaming.

Greed smirked. "Yes! Fear me! There's a reason Hawkeye hired me to-"

Greed then realized Pride wasn't screaming because of him. The school bus then crashed into a tree and Greed went flying out the window. He went soaring half way across central and managed to land two feet away from where Colonel Roy Mustang was standing. And so, one thing led to another and they ended up opening a nice little hamburger joint together.

Meanwhile, Pride stepped out of the crashed bus. He looked at his watch. School hadn't started yet; he could make it if he ran.

Pride then began to stroll to this new little hamburger joint he had heard of.

A few hours later, Pride walked up to his front door wiping a few sesames seeds from his shirt. The food was good, but ridiculously over priced.

Pride unlocked the door and stepped inside only to be trapped in his mother's arms.

"Oh, Selim! I'm-so-sorry! For now on, things are going to be different! Come on. I bought some tickets to go see an opera today. Let's go! As a family!"

"What!"

And Wrath, who had heard this, began to chuckle darkly.

Mrs. Bradley turned towards her husband, "Come on dear, you too."

Suddenly, Wrath didn't feel like chuckling darkly anymore.

Mrs. Bradley walked out the door dragging Wrath and Pride behind her.

Hawkeye watched them leave from across the street and chuckled darkly to herself.

**Way 12: Sparkles (Thank you TheCrimsonGhost309)**

Lieutenant Hawkeye walked out of Central HQ. She had been working hard all week and was now headed home to enjoy her day off when she came across Major Alex Louis Armstrong and Sig Curtis having a sparkle off. Hawkeye watched from a safe distance. It seemed Sig, who had more sparkles surrounding his face, would win. But suddenly, Armstrong used his special sparkling technique.

The Major ripped off his shirt and did a crazy pose. Sparkles then started to explode from his body, overwhelming Sig and causing him to pass out. Hawkeye watched him fall to the ground as the idea hit her.

The Lieutenant walked up to the victorious Armstrong.

"That was very impressive Major. But could I ask you a favor?"

"Hmmm? What kind of favor could you need?"

"Could I burrow some of your sparkles?"

"Well, certainly Riza Hawkeye, take as many as you need!"

The Major did a slightly less crazy pose as before and some sparkles surrounded his face. The Lieutenant bagged them in a large brown potato sack she always carried around with her.

Hawkeye was relaxing at home when the shadows surrounded her.

Pride spoke menacingly, "Hello Lieutenant. Are you enjoying your day off?"

"Oh, I will."

Hawkeye reached for her potato sack. She grabbed a sparkle out of the bag and threw it at the shadows. Upon impact, the sparkled exploded in a bright light. Too bright. The shadows began to disappear.

Before more could come, The Lieutenant ran to the window with her potato sack full of sparkles. She swung open the window and looked out. Pride was standing near the building trying to figure out what just happened. The homunculus looked towards Hawkeye's window surprised to see an army of sparkles flying toward him. The sparkles hit him with such a powerful explosion, Pride was sent flying half way across Central and fell through the roof of Greed's and Roy's hamburger joint where he landed on his head so hard he blacked out.

When Pride awoke, he found himself tied to a chair and surrounded by mountains of hamburgers. Greed and Colonel Mustang approached him. Pride surrounded himself with shadowy tentacles when Mustang held up a large brown potato sack.

"Good morning, Pride." The Colonel pulled a sparkle out of the potato sack, "guess who ordered all this food and decided to leave you with the bill."

And so, Pride spent his days trying to work off the money he owed for all eternity.

**Way 13: Babysitter (Thank you Mushra the enterran)**

Pride walked through the underground tunnels that led to his Father's lair.

He walked into the throne room only to find his siblings and Father getting ready to leave.

"Where are you going?"

Envy jumped in front of him, "We're going to go see a movie. Without you of course."

Father spoke up, "Pride, I need you to stay here."

"To look after you evil lair?"

"What! No! Because Wrath is coming with us, his wife is going to spend the day at a spa, and since the rest of us are leaving, I'm going to leave you here with a babysitter."

"You don't trust me alone?"

"I do. It's those shadows of yours I'm worried about. They're a bunch of troublemakers!" Father pointed behind Pride. Pride turned around to see his shadows teasing Gluttony with a cookie.

"Gluttony, let's go!" Envy called out, and the hungry homunculus sadly walked away from the delicious cookie.

"The babysitter will be here soon!" Father confirmed his eldest son walking out of the room.

Pride was alone. Or at least he thought he was. He turned around towards his shadows again to find they were tied up in rope. He turned towards the exit again to find Lieutenant Hawkeye standing there with a large wooden box and Black Hayate holding more rope in his mouth.

"Hawkeye? You're the babysitter?"

"Yes", she pointed at the large wooden box, "now get in the box."

"What?"

"Get in the box."

"Why?"

Hayate then swung the rope like a lasso and caught Pride. The homunculus was pulled forward and landed in the large wooden box.

One week later, in a little shop in Xing owned by Havoc's family, Jean Havoc received a large wooden box from Lieutenant Hawkeye.

Havoc excitedly pried it open and wasn't sure what he was going to do with his gift.

**Way 14: Flashlight**

Hawkeye sent Pride a flashlight for his birthday.

His shadows couldn't stop playing with it long enough for Pride to leave his room.

* * *

><p>Again, sorry for the late updates. I think I'm going to just write one more chapther and call this story done:(<p>

SpinnerBeech: Sorry the homunculii weren't her bodygaurds

TheCrimsonGhost309: Sorry the sparkles weren't stolen

Mushra the enterran: See! I didn't forget you ^^

So, thanks to all you wonderful reviewers out there. And a even bigger thanks to all of you wonderful people who have been sending me your wonderful ideas. Reviews are so much fun to read ^^

That means more would make me even happier! So please review and suggestions will still be gladley accepted:)

Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

*shutters* three months, three months. *composes herself* Look, I'm really really sorry this took so long.

Anyway, sorry, this really is the last chapter, so please enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

* * *

><p><strong>Pride's Hostage<strong>

_Here are various ways lieutenant Hawkeye could get pride away from her: _

**Way 15: Edward Elric**

Pride awoke in the back seat of a car, which was strange because he didn't remember falling asleep in the back seat of a car. It was also strange that Mrs. Bradley was sitting next to him looking quite pleased. Even stranger than that, Edward Elric was sitting in the passenger seat muttering something about all the awful things he wished would happen to a certain Colonel. Of course, the strangest sight of all was said Colonel in the drivers seat.

Mrs. Bradley noticed Pride had woken up. "Oh selim, you're awake!" She clapped happily.

"Where are we?"

"I'm so happy for you! When those men from the _Hawkeye Foundation _came by this morning and said you won that 'spend a day with the Fullmetal Alchemist' contest, I thought you would be thrilled, but you looked like you didn't want to go." Wrath's wife seemed to be quite proud of herself, "Luckily, I knew you were just being shy. I knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I couldn't stand the thought of you passing it up. The men from the _Hawkeye Foundation_ already had a car parked in the front with Edward Elric himself in it! I tried to convince you to go, but you refused."

"So why are we in a car?" Pride asked suspiciously.

"I didn't put anything in your juice!"

"…"

The car came to a stop. Everyone except Colonel Mustang got out and found themselves in a forest next to a large cave.

Mustang waved good-bye. "Have fun," he laughed mockingly and drove off.

Edward ran in the middle of the road and waved his fist in the air, "Damn you!"

Just then, two strange men from the _Hawkeye Foundation _stepped out from their hiding spot behind a tree.

"That's not suspicious at all," Pride remarked sarcastically.

One of the men spoke to them, "Are you the Bradley's and Mister Elric?"

Mrs. Bradley eagerly shook her head, "Yes, we are!" She looked around the forest, "Why are we here, are we going hiking?"

The other man pointed at the dark cave they were standing next to, "You will be spending your day in here."

Pride rolled his eyes, "Nope, nothing suspicious about that."

Mrs. Bradley worriedly asked, "It's so dark. And what if we get hungry?"

"Don't worry ma'am. We've stocked it with a lifetime supply wroth of food."

"Lifetime?"

Before Pride could even let out another sarcastic remark, the two men from the _Hawkeye Foundation _roughly pushed him, Mrs. Bradley, and Edward into the cave. Before they could react, there was an explosive noise. The three looked up and saw the cave entrance crumbling down. Pride tried to conjure his shadows but it was too late. The cave entrance was completely sealed off with rubble, leaving the cave pitch dark.

"Well, at least we have plenty of time to get to know each other, now," Mrs. Bradley tried to lighten the mood, "They said they put some snacks in here for us. Let's see if we can find them." Mrs. Bradley began to feel around the floor looking for some kind of snack.

Edward called out, "If you find any Twinkies, there mine!"

"Shut up, you Twinkie obsessed pipsqueak!" Pride shouted irritably. He was pretty upset about letting himself get stuck here.

"What you call me!" Edward screamed and furiously threw a punch with his automail arm where he thought he heard Pride's voice. But he missed and ended up hitting the cave wall instead.

There was a crashing noise. It sounded like E actually managed to do some damage! _That's it, _Pride thought, _that's my ticket out! _

"Too bad, shorty! You just missed!"

Edward threw another punch in the general direction.

"Just a _little_ too much to the left."

Edward punched again, this time a little more to the right.

"Aww, so close… runt!"

Edward punched the cave wall with all his might. Which apparently was enough since the entire wall came crashing down.

This was the power of Ed's fury.

Pride ran out of the exit Edward was kind enough to make for him. Unfortunately for the homunculus, so did Ed, and he was still mad.

Edward screamed, "I'm not short!" and grabbed Pride's arms before the homunculus could react. Ed swung him around at great speeds. He released him and Pride was sent flying half way across Amestris and crashed landed on Yock Island.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Bradley was too busy snacking on a Twinkie to notice any of this.

Two days later, the CEO of the _Hawkeye Foundation _received an important message that her plan was a success.

**Way 16: Lady Pride (Thank you, Moonlightpheonix-xX)**

Sugar…

Spice…

And everything violent…

These were the ingredients chosen to make a perfectly violent little girl.

But then, Lieutenant Hawkeye accidentally added an extra ingredient

Chemical Pride…

And thus, Lady Pride was born!

Now, using their awesome AK-47's

Hawkeye

Lady Pride

And Black Hayate

Have dedicated their lives to tormenting Pride to the point that he cries!

Hawkeye, Lady Pride, and Black Hayate then proceeded to beat up every bad guy in town. By the time the police got there, the trio was standing triumphtly on top of a tower of unconscious badies.

-Later-

Hawkeye couldn't help but notice, "You know Lady Pride, you look just like regular Pride, just more feminine, and with longer hair…and you're not a stalker…are you?"

"Only sometimes."

"Right…well, let's go do what it was I created you for."

"Make regular Pride cry?"

Hawkeye actually looked a little proud, "Exactly."

-That Night-

Regular Pride was sitting peacefully in his room, doing regular Pride type stuff, when Hawkeye, Lady Pride, and Black Hayate came crashing in through the roof.

"What!"

Hawkeye dramatically shouted, "Pride! Your rain of terror ends here!"

Pride looked up at the gaping whole in his ceiling, "You know you could have just used the front door." He then got a glimpse of a certain lady standing beside Lieutenant Hawkeye, "Who…what!"

"Regular Pride, I'll like to introduce you to Lady Pride."

Lady Pride smiled and waved to regular Pride, "Hello, I'm here to torment you, and make you cry", she practically sang.

"What?"

"Attack," Hawkeye shouted, and her and Black Hayate brought out their AK-47's and opened fire.

Regular Pride brought out his shadows to protect him, but one glance at Hawkeye had them running scared back under Pride's feet.

Lady Pride then summoned her shadows which, much to her pleasure, were pink! Regular Pride couldn't help but notice this, "That's just insulting."

Just then regular Pride's shadows zoomed out from under his feet, and stopped in front of Lady Pride's shadows. The black and pink shadowy tentacles seemed to be staring at each other. After a whole ten minutes of this, bought pairs of tentacles raced out the door, out the house, and into the city, forcibly dragging both Pride's behind them.

Both Pride's screamed and hollered for the shadowy tentacles to stop.

"What! Hey! Why can't I control them?" Lady Pride screamed.

"Must be one of the disadvantages of Chemical Pride," Pride muttered.

And so, regular Pride and Lady Pride were forced to attend their black and pink shadowy tentacles never-ending dates for all eternity.

And, much to Lady Pride's and Hawkeye's pleasure, Pride did cry.

**Epilogue**

**Way 20: Simplicity **

Hawkeye was relaxing at home thinking up some new ways to get Pride away from her when she heard a knock at the door of her apartment.

"Wonder who that could be."

The Lieutenant sat up and walked to the door.

She never would have excepted this.

"Pride? What are you doing here?"

Pride angrily looked up at his 'hostage'. He never would have admitted it, but he was starting to feel like the victim. "You…you are responsible for everything!"

"Responsible for what?"

"Don't play dumb! It's all your fault and you know it!"

Hawkeye cocked an eyebrow.

Pride continued, "The soap opera, the cave, that awful repellent, my shadows gaining a mind of their own and turning into black licorice! Everything, bad that's been happening to me, it's all your fault!"

"It's not my fault about what happened to your shadows." Pride still didn't look happy, "Would it help if I told you the author made me do it?"

"No!"

Hawkeye thought about this, "You know, there's a simply solution to both our problems."

Pride reluctantly answered, "I'm listening…"

"You could just give up."

Pride considered this, "It's a little out of character for me."

"The fact your even here seems out of character. Besides, if that's what you're worried about then just forget about it. Everyone, even your shadows, have been a little crazier lately. I doubt anyone would even notice."

Pride, once again, considered this. "Alright," Pride reluctantly answered, "but only until my next appearance in Brotherhood!"

"If that's the case, it looks like you've got a lot of free time on your hands."

"Yeah…" Pride said, wondering what he was going to do with it all.

Hawkeye would never admit it, but she was actually starting to feel bad for putting Pride through so much, "You know, since your not busy we could always go get something to eat together", she uncharacteristically asked.

Pride's shadows excitedly jumped out from beneath his feet, "Look's like I don't have a choice."

And so, Hawkeye and Pride-and the shadowy tentacles-went to _Greed and Roy's Hamburger Joint _for hamburgers and, if only for that short amount of time, everything and everyone were uncharacteristically at peace.

At least until Pride's next appearance in Brotherhood…

* * *

><p>So yeah! Happy Ending! I know, weak but I wanted to put something...<p>

**Moonlightpheonix-xX:** Thanks a lot for the idea of Riza creating a 'Lady Pride'. I had a lot of fun writing the PowerPuffGirls reference. That was my favorite show when I was a little girl. Though I doubt you excepted that ^^

Anyways, the reason I'm ending it here is because 1)I'm fresh out of ideas 2) I want to focus on other projects of mine :)

Thank you kindly, to everyone who read this, reviewed, favorited, and stuck with me through the end.

I very much hope you enjoyed my story.

Thanks again.

-FullmetalFan870

Please review


End file.
